Sunday, March 12, 2006

Up! Up! An Away Day.....

Up! Up! An Away Day.....

To write or not to write?..... write? no! write! no? no? no! but the pics have been uploaded on the blog without any caption or story to go with, pathetic! To write or not to write???!!! Thats really shows my state of mind at the moment although I look so calm and 'mess-free' most of today. My department holds a one-day programme called 'IM Away Day' at Eastwood Valley Golf Club, 5 km from Miri city on last Friday. It was a company programme with the idea to have a brief but crucial discussions on certain area or topic and to gather all of team members in a different environment. All of us were given a light blue denim shirt (American Inmate Work Shirt - Prisoner's uniform?) with company logo and a slogan at the back "Information Management Is Everybody's Business". Its a NO STRESS programme, as an evidence one can see from their facial expressions.
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Depressed

Sunday should be a relaxing day for me plus some interesting activities, yes it was but with this huge distractions around my head. I keep thinking why 'that person' lied to me about going to Singapore, about watching the Brokeback Mountain, about across the border alone, about dating somebody else which I knew. It hurts me deep inside, I just can't tolerate with my own feelings, tried very hard to swallow all the confuses and pains but its still stuck there, even in my dream, that bad huhhhh????? Only God knows.

Kadangkala kita menjadi risau tentang perkara yang remeh-temeh, kadangkala kita tidak begitu risau mengenai perkara penting dan serius. Tapi kali ni lain, lain dari diri aku yang selalunya. Aku suka ambil buat tak kisah selalunya, 'kau nak jadi apa, jadilah', 'kau nak temberang kat aku, suka hati kaulah!'... memang aku tak kisah sangat kalau orang nak kelentong kat aku, but this time is different. "eh kau tau tak, si anu tu nak pi tengok movie kat Singapore dengan si Sudesh, tapi Sudesh tak nak pi"... "kelmarin dia kata nak pi Singapore sorang-sorang, saja nak jalan-jalan tengok movie, tak de cakap nak pi dengan sesiapa pun, puas aku tanya, nak pi dengan siapa, dia kata I'm going alone". That's really fishy isn't it?.... all these while dia selalu communicating dengan budak India ni, apa motif? Aku ingatkan dia dah delete phone number mamat ni. Aku tak nak buat apa-apa spekulasi, nanti kata aku ni jahat, nanti kata aku ni buruk sangka, nanti kata aku ni 'macam-macam'. Aku malas nak pick-up calls dia, still not in the mood to talk, aku tak boleh berdepan dengan situasi macam ni, aku takut hilang control, nanti aku tetiba sembur macam-macam perkataan yang tak baik, things will get ugly then. Aku nak biarkan masalah ni pergi macam tu jer, aku tak nak bincang, tak nak bertegang urat, tak nak bersemuka... dan kalau boleh aku jugak mahu dia 'pergi macam tu jer'. Tetiba aku teringat pesan Ustaz, jangan sesekali putuskan ikatan silaturrahim sesama manusia... aku akur, ikatan silaturrahim takan putus, tapi ikatan kasih dan sayang tu, aku tak jamin, aku tak janji. Aku frust? yes, memang aku kecewa.......teramat sangat, walau apapun alasan yang akan dia beri. Sepertimana yang selalu dia ucapkan kat aku "tau tak per!". So aku harap kali ni dia betul-betul "tau" sebab aku benar-benar dah "tak per!".

1 comment:

Asmadi said...

ohh nampak cam best jah bersukaria..tanpa ada kata2 tawa hilai ..